i'll hold in these hands (all that remains)
by Arwana13
Summary: The angels would just like to clarify that none of them ever had sex with humans(they aren't freaking Lucifer), so members of Raziel's creepy cult following are kindly asked to not call themselves "Nephilim." Featuring Alec as the Angel of Death, Raziel as an idiot and so. much. blasphemy.


**There's pretty awesome fic about Alec as the angel of death who haunts Magnus' steps. Can't remember the name right now, but that has helped inspire this. Also, some elements were taken from the Supernatural fandom, but only** _ **very little**_ **(i.e. Gabriel's personality. Michael, called Mikhail in this, and Raphael are absolutely OOC) and Aziraphale and Crowely are the angel and demon duo who helped undermine Heaven and Hell when they tried to start the apocalypse in Good Omens. You don't need to know the other fandoms to get the story, but just try not to mind the OC's. They aren't that big. Also, daemons are the physical representations of your soul, in animal form. They can change forms until when you grow up and they settle into one animal form, they have to stay near their humans or they'll be in pain and if someone kills your daemon, you die. That's all.**

* * *

 _ **Featuring**_

 _ **Azrael/Alec - who is the confused, cultured victim of stupidity**_

 _ **Mikhail - who is a much beloved (cult) leader and an actual angel (TM)**_

 _ **Gabriel - who is a little shit**_

 _ **Raphael - who can't deal with this shit**_

 _ **Aziraphale - who is well-informed**_

 _ **Crowely - who just wants to feed ducks with Aziraphale**_

 _ **Raziel - who people glorify for some reason (why, seriously, he's an idiot)**_

 _ **Lucifer - who everyone (except Mikhail) wants to kill**_

 _ **Jace - who is maybe Lucifer reincarnate**_

 _ **Isabelle - who is maybe Lucifer's daughter (no she isn't, Lilith is better than her)**_

 _ **Clary - whose body Azrael wants to bleed his sibling's blood out of**_

 _ **Sebastian - who is an abomination Alec wants to burn alive**_

 _ **Max - who is the only smart one**_

 _ **Maryse - who is surprisingly awesome**_

 _ **Robert - who refuses to be a creepy fairy godfather**_

 _ **Lilith - who doesn't appreciate dresses, stop this at once Gabriel**_

 _ **Simon - who doesn't get why his soul is scared shitless of Alec**_

 _ **Magnus - who is a really depressing fucker, tbh**_

 _ **Other assorted people and creatures whose life Azrael ultimately claims, so haha, there, fuck you**_

 _ **and the relevant Daemons that have to stick with their idiot humans**_

 _ **Also-**_

 _ **Valentine - the creep**_

* * *

 **in which Death is born**

 _His first memories are of death._

 _He was born, after all, as the first of his brothers died, killed by one of their own, and maybe he wasn't the one who wielded the knife and ripped Kemiel's wings apart, but Death is the reason for his birth and this is something that none of his kin let him forget-_

 _(-the twin of the dead one, Sariel, if he was right, was shouting at him and he..didn't...understand...what did he do wrong-)_

 _(-you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed, this is a promise_ _ **Azrael, angel of death, heed my words-)**_

 _Mikhail found out about the bullying eventually and raised "_ _ **holy hell"**_ _(shut up Gabriel, you're not funny) and sat him down, (you're an important, integral part of this family, Azrael, never let anyone tell you otherwise) and explained the necessity of death (just as darkness is needed to validate the existence of light, so death is needed to make people appreciate life,) but Azrael never forgets._

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

 _(-never forget,_ _ **Angel of Death,**_ _my words will forever haunt you-)_

* * *

 **in which Death realizes some nasty things**

 _Flash forward to years later and he's watching his eldest brothers duke it out. The battlefield is silent apart from the clash of blades ongoing and the sound of the two Archangels fighting. Mikhail screams something (why, Lucifer, you had everything you ever wanted, whywhywhy would you do this) and Lucifer screams back (don't you see, they're_ _ **flawed**_ _and_ _ **disgusting**_ _creatures, why are you fighting to protect them Mikhail?)but Azrael watches through a glaze of confusion._

 _Gabriel is to the right of him, Aziraphale to the left and he_ _ **knows**_ _Raphael is at his back, because some creatures on both sides are of the opinion that if you kill the one who's supervising Death, then none of them will have to die in this pointless war and Mikhail had assigned them all to guard each other as soon as this fiasco started._

 _The battle ends and Lucifer screams as Mikhail casts him down (forgivemeforgivemeforgiveme Luce, I had to do this Iloveyousomuch,) and Azrael watches with broken eyes as the strongest person he's ever known breaks down on the bloody field and weeps._

 _No one approaches the mourning Archangel, Lucifer's last words still ringing loud in their ears._

 _(_ _ **I will rip your wings asunder, Mikhail.)**_

 _On that battlefield, with choking screams, Azrael learns that death isn't the ultimate reason for sorrow._

 _(It's love.)_

 _(To love is to destroy? Jace, you have_ _ **no**_ _idea.)_

* * *

 **in which Death grows up**

 _Things don't get easier after that. Azrael thinks they probably never will, but Gabriel always shuts him up when he voices this because Aziraphale looks like he wants to cry._

 _Mikhail smiles, but they're nowhere as bright as the ones he gave to the fallen angel. The others reorganize, rebuild, close their ranks around their leader to seek and give comfort because their Maker is not here and They are "mourning," Mikhail said in a soft voice, fiddling with the ridiculous flower crown a cherub had given him, "Our Maker has retired to the Garden of Eden to mourn for some time," the eldest Archangel looks up with a soft smile, "In the mean time, I hope to guide you as well as I possibly can."_

 _(Sometime ends up being forever, and their Maker falls asleep in that Garden of sin. Mikhail rules their home with a smile and they follow him with their swords and hearts, but they know that their love can't help him heal completely.)_

 _(The only one who can heal him rots in Hell and Azrael feels_ _ **anger**_ _and hopes that Lucifer will forever stay there just as much as he wants him to come home. Emotions are complicated things.)_

 _Azrael explores different worlds, causes different deaths. They all have separate names for him and he assumes the identities the cultures bestow upon him. It's curious because there are many, many gods, but only ever one Death. The cherubs gossip a lot about this._

 _("I asked Mikhail and he said it was because Death was the one constant," a little one told her siblings as she sat in the grass. "It doesn't discriminate, doesn't question, accepts all in the end. It's kinda neat, to be honest.")_

 _It's tough, living like that, but it's helpful. Out of everyone in their home, he interacts with humans the most, learns the most about them, their motives, their hopes, their realities. They're a beautiful and cruel species and he can see why Mikhail took to them so easily. He's always been one for beautiful and cruel things._

 _(The last beautiful and cruel being Mikhail loved ended up tearing his heart out and Azrael prays that these little creations of his Maker won't do the same. But everything ends in war, hatred, genocide and Death and Azrael's prayers go unanswered.)_

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

 _Azrael still loves them, these beautiful cruel beings and hopes for their lives to be full of joy, no matter how short they may be._

* * *

 **in which Death signs his fate**

 _Azrael is good at it, assuming identities and then discarding them. Better than anyone, except maybe Gabriel, who just picked up the habit to scare the crap out of their family by disappearing amongst different creatures from time to time._

 _But Gabriel is, well,_ _ **Gabriel.**_ _He's smart and quick, with a tongue sharp enough to match his sword, but he's...well, frankly speaking, he's the laziest being to ever exist. It's pretty well known that if you want anything done around this universe, you approach one of the other senior angels (Raphael was a good bet as long as whatever you wanted wasn't stupid, Azrael was a good bet as long as you were willing to go to the extremes, Aziraphale was a good bet if you liked to feel like you were piece of shit slave-worker and Mikhail was always a good bet but he was so busy that no one wanted to bug him.)_

 _Raziel's made it pretty clear that he's willing to go to the extremes._

 _And Azrael's tiredtiredtired, he doesn't want to go near humans anymore, doesn't want to approach those beautiful and cruel creatures, but this is his_ _ **brother**_ _who's asking for help and Mikhail is out of commission at the moment, sleeping after centuries and Raphael had already gathered all the beings in Heaven to wave his sword threateningly and growl about how_ _ **"no one is going to wake him up."**_

 _So he listens to his little brother panicking over the amount of power he's given to mortals, and how they've mis-used it, locates the instruments (Gabriel laughs until he cries because "Fuck, of_ _ **course**_ _Mika's household objects would ever be the subject of a fucking war, that's just how he rolls,") says his farewells and lets himself fall._

 _Alexander Lightwood is born and his blue eyes_ _ **glow**_ _but his parents dismiss it as shoddy lighting. For some years, he's the apple of their eye._

* * *

 **in which Alec is an angel**

Alexander Lightwood is born and his blue eyes **glow** but his parents dismiss it as shoddy lighting. For some years, he's the apple of their eye.

(The thunderstorm on the day of his birth drowns three people, but his parents are too busy cooing over his cute looks and adorable daemon ("Look, Maryse, it's a cat!" "Yes, dear, I can see that,") to give any fucks.)

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

Alec grows up to a quiet child, fascinated by anything and everything around him. He plays with his parents daemons on a regular basis and _Othello_ and _Katrina_ adore the child even if they're kind of weird near him.

("It's not anything major," _Othello_ squirms under the sharp eyes of his soul-sharer, which looks hilarious considering the daemon is a huge fucking bear, "He just...feels strange."

"Yeah," _Katrina_ agrees, forever _Othello's_ partner-in-crime, "It feels like we should be..wary of him."

All the adults stopped for a second to reflect on the ridiculousness of the statement. Maryse and her bear daemon are well known for giving a new meaning to the term 'mother bear,' while Robert and his wolf daemon show a personality that each shadowhunter wishes to cultivate. As one, they look to where the six-month old Alec is playing with his daemon, now a moth, and shake their heads in disbelief.

"Maybe it's just the fact that he's fucking tiny," Robert suggests and that's that.)

* * *

 **in which souls are named**

Alec's first word is his daemon's name. It isn't as loud as some people suggest, Maryse has watched children before, okay, people record this kind of stuff and she may have gone a little crazy when she was cooped up behind wards with a swelling stomach. She feels bad that Alec doesn't scream "Mama," or "Papa," or even "Food!" the way some of the children on the internet do but then she remembers the quiet, confident voice calling, " _Haria_ ," and that makes her heart swell with joy. Their child is perfect.

(Robert doesn't have a reason as to why Alec's daemon is a male when most daemons are the opposite gender of their soul-partner. He kisses Maryse on the cheek, though, and tells her not to worry because, "He'll be amazing regardless. I mean, look at him! Rejecting our pre-conceived gender beliefs even now.")

He's a quiet child, not the shrieking mess which Robert and Maryse's parents had told them to expect. He cries when he isn't able to stand in the beginning, let's out a tinkling laugh when he's finally able to walk across the house without falling and listens with rapt attention when Robert reads to him.

"What an angel," Maryse's father murmurs as he watches Robert feed Alec.

Her mother snorts. "I don't know what _you've_ done to deserve such a beautiful child. Monster that you were as a toddler," She sniffs before pointedly turning her head up and speaking in a teary tone, "Karma, this isn't funny anymore. Let the child at least vomit on their clothes once, _please._ "

Maryse pats her mother's hair soothingly and later hugs Alec tightly and mutters "I'm so proud of you for defying your elders' expectations already."

* * *

 **in which annoying people don't let Alec sleep**

 _Gabriel visits Azrael at the most importune moments - when his 'parents' are feeding him, when he's being changed, when he's being bathed. He coos and cackles and takes pictures for the people back home and it sucks because Azrael can't even flip him off._

Alec glares at blank space from time to time, which makes Robert do funny faces to cheer him up. The child laughs, but none of his parents notice how _Haria_ still stares at the blank spot with all the intensity of stone.

 _Gabriel drags people with him from time to time. Aziraphale is just as embarrassing as Gabriel, but thankfully he doesn't take photos. Raphael nods and smiles, the long white coat which Mikhail gave to him as a joke ("You're our healer, Raph,") still draped over his body and performs thorough check-ups because this is the first time anyone as powerful as Azrael has assumed human form and that tends to screw angelic power up. The others smile and laugh and coo but remain cautious of the fact that whether he's able to respond or not, this little human baby is still Azrael, the angel of Death._

* * *

 **in which Alec appreciates immortality**

Alec takes to reading like a duck to water and walking in to see him sleeping in the library, _Haria_ curled up next to him, becomes a familiar sight.

The thing about _Haria_ is that he doesn't shift that often. The adults are astounded because children, especially children this young, tend to have daemons who shift enough to cover all the species in a zoo at least once a day. They're young, impressionable and easily affected by emotions which sear across their souls.

 _Haria_ is a contradiction, a male daemon with a feminine name who belongs to someone who hasn't even had a tooth break yet and still manages to look more comfortable in his few forms _(cat, raven, moth)_ than most adult daemon's do in ages.

 _Azrael loves to read, primarily because he was a little too busy taking lives in the presence of humanity to do so. It's amazing how these bright flames who burn for such a short time manage to immortalize themselves through something as mundane as words._

 _Someone actually wrote, "But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" and Azrael went sick with laughter because he knows that Mikhail has never stopped praying for Lucifer. He shows this to Mikhail when he shows up, finally awake from his sleep and looking better for it and Mikhail smiles genuinely and says, "I'm glad someone human thought about this, to be honest," and Azrael just...can't deal with this_ _ **niceness**_ _._

 _He gets what Gabriel says now, about locking Mikhail away where no one can see him. No one deserves to see him._

* * *

 **in which Alec disagrees with his parents**

Somehow, Alec knows that Isabelle is going to be born even before they do. Which. Let's face it, embarrassing.

He's a perfect delight during the pregnancy, and even the tiniest of tantrums disappear. When Maryse sits, sighs, gets bored, wants to scream and the fetus to just _stop kicking, please,_ Alec is always there, smiling and cooing and touching her belly and Robert watches in appreciation as his son charms his mothers (unreasonable) pants off.

(Maryse is sad about other things too - their exile from Alicante has been good for them. Now, surrounded by true _peace_ for the first time in _years,_ Robert and Maryse are able to acknowledge just how much Valentine Morgenstern and his stupid lion of a daemon fucked them up. There are some tears that need to be shed, some tears that this child with his beautiful daemon can't clear up.)

Isabelle Lightwood is born on a Thursday and her cries are completely horrid. Maryse's mother watches the screaming baby with delight, tilts her head up and sighs, _"Thank you, karma."_

 _It's intriguing to watch human life grow, after so many years of only taking them. Azrael had helped raise many of his siblings - brothers, sisters, others people who refused to stick to the idea of 'gender', Gabriel prominently being one of them. This would be the first time he'd take active participation in the growth of human life, and he prayed that he'd do a good enough job of it._

* * *

Isabelle is a _monster._

Her grandmother, naturally, is very much delighted with her.

("Finally, you get a taste of your own medicine!"

"Now, dear, that's not nice. We should be more sympathetic. After all, it's only going to get worse from here on."

"Thanks for that, dad. Really.")

Robert is of the opinion that Isabelle is the spawn of Satan, born specifically to torment them, but doesn't expand the stream of thought because, for some reason Alec breaks into uncontrollable giggles. When later asked why he laughed, the two year old simply says, really slowly, it felt like someone was tickling his throat with a pitchfork before breaking into giggles again.

 _Azrael really can't help but laugh, because he_ _ **knows**_ _spawns of Satan. It's his duty, ("as their loving uncle," Gabriel had said before cackling like such a madman he scared all the geese away,) to ensure that they stay locked in the place between Hell and nowhere until someone stupid tried to Raise them back from the dead._

 _Isabelle isn't Lucifer's child. She's worse._

 _(Aziraphale looks like he's about to cry, so he takes Azrael all over Heaven to deliver sweets to its inhabitants screaming, "I have a niece!" primarily because he knows that the news would eventually reach the new "father" and that he'd be pissed.)_

 _(Some time later, Lucifer sends a message on a piece of paper ("-written in puppy blood, fuck, how much of a drama queen is this guy-")which denounces any claim of ever being their family. As their siblings scatter to find the puppy who the Devil apparently bled to write a message, Azrael watches Mikhail's hands tremble as he reads the letter again before panicking as his eyes go wet and immediately cajoling him into finding Gabriel and sending their new niece the "most amazing sequined toga-dress thing ever.")_

* * *

 **in which children have the best solutions **

As Alec grows, his parents start fighting about when and how to initiate him into the family business, among other things. Maryse insists he's too young and Robert retorts that he has to do it sometime, better to start young and gain more experience. But both of them, in their hearts, do not want this quiet little contradiction to be a part of their ugly world. It's a tough life and while Alec is undoubtedly strong enough to make it to the end, his parents still fear for him.

(Maryse suggests once, drunk and out of her mind, that it was a bad decision to have Alec in their world. "Maybe we should have given him away to a mundane couple or something," she slurred.

Robert snorted from where he was lying next to her. "Then what, we stalk him like creepy fairy godparents?"

Maryse sighed before burying into Robert. "Yeah, sure. We'd be the most amazing creepy fairy godparents to exist."

"Maryse, no.")

Alec takes the decision away from the when he comes down the kitchen one day and nails a fly who's hanging near his cereal to the wall using a throwing knife.

Robert and Maryse look at each other and then look at the child eating his breakfast calmly.

"Alec-" Maryse begins.

"-we need to talk to you about something." Robert ends.

Alec looks up, raises an eyebrow and _grins,_ young and stupidly beautiful. "I thought you'd never ask."

The Lightwood Family laughs as one and looks towards a bright future.

 _Azrael doesn't like the marks decorating his skin. He's had runes on his body before, but they were much more meticulous, much more beautiful than these ones. Raphael had drawn them on him, while Mikhail had watched with happy eyes. "There," he'd said. "Those will keep you safe."_

 _These runes, on the other hand, are "Blessing of the angel Raziel," Robert explained before launching into a glorified spiel of Raziel's story like Azrael didn't know the little angel who shrieked loud enough to cause a landslide when Lucifer dragged him under the first waterfall to be created all those eons ago._

* * *

 **in which Isabelle is Lilith 2.0**

As Maryse ducks behind kitchen counter, she thinks she hates Alec a little bit, to be honest, because if he wasn't such a _perfect fucking angel,_ she'd have more experience dealing with this.

Isabelle's dinner ("Come on, sweetheart, which kid doesn't like mashed potatoes?") hits the wall with a _thud._

Maryse swears that she will make Robert _lick_ those fucking potatoes off the wall.

Isabelle is obviously her grandmother's favourite child, if how their daemons cuddle up together at every turn is an indicator. She would have been angry at the behalf of her first child if she hadn't realized that the further Alec spent time away from his crazy grandmother, the better.

 _Azrael's new sister's daemon_ Stharek, _hates him. He understands why, of course, as a piece of Isabelle's soul,_ Stharek _inherently recognizes him as someone who takes souls away. He shies away from Alec and_ Haria _any time they approach him, which causes Isabelle to cry because, of course, she was the type of child to trust all the strangers around her._

Stharek _warms up to him, eventually, probably because Isabelle doesn't want to leave his side. Gabriel crows about how this was a beautiful example of how "continued exposure to death desensitizes human children," right up till when Azrael stuffed a pillow into his mouth._

* * *

 _ **wherein Death is changed**_

 _Once upon a time, there used to be a steady stream of reincarnation. Every soul, once they died, was kept in the land between Purgatory and nowhere and promptly reincarnated._

 _And then, Hell happened._

 _Lucifer took his fair share of souls, those who intrigued him, those whom he liked. And the people in Heaven watched in despair, for their Maker had told them to let their wayward son do as he pleased._

 _For the first time, Azrael truly despised the nature of his duty._

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

 _And this is where the myth started, of one having to earn the right to go to Heaven. Of one being bad enough to go to Hell and suffer eternal torture._

 _(Aziraphale's demon friend, Crowely if he was right, had quietly told Zira that that had been the Devil's intention all along. It made sense too. It was amazing how many people jumped up to police others and instruct them to the pathway to Heaven, like anything could really stop Lucifer once he'd had his eyes settled on a soul.)_

 _The souls who Lucifer takes for himself come back to the place between Purgatory and nowhere sooner or later. It's difficult to watch Mikhail fret over how broken they are, to see him mourn over how degraded his beloved brother has become._

 _(No one can tell him that Lucifer lets the souls go because he loses interest in them at a point. They all know that only one being in the universe can keep the Devil's interest forever and Mikhail is breaking down far too well enough by himself to be told that he's one of the primary reasons for the Devil's lack of sanity.)_

 _The reincarnation system has one major flaw. The souls, when they return to the place between Purgatory and nowhere, they remember all their past lives, and sometimes it ends up breaking them. That's primarily why the new system starts._

 _It's an ingenious plan, really, and quite a simple one at that._

 _The unbroken souls are asked whether or not they wish to reincarnate, for one. More people choose rebirth that Azrael thought. Some of them are in it for the thrill, naturally, the chance to "live a whole new life, wow!" Others, just a little broken, are in it to (hopefully) have a better chance at happiness than they did before. And the rare few who don't go, having fought hard to secure their contentment and not willing to go through that war again, are settled among Azrael's siblings as guests, given opportunities to roam the Earth in their own ghostly forms._

 _The broken ones, Mikhail ended up healing and keeping, before inevitably setting them off to "have a better life, dear one."_

 _There were still flaws in the system. For one, they needed to keep force reincarnating the people they_ _ **absolutely**_ _despised. Like that one couple who kept insisting that their son was in Hell because he was "Devil-spawn," and later said that they murdered him. Or tried to, anyway._

 _(Alec obviously couldn't say this to Magnus later. How does one tell their immortal boyfriend that they got their elder brother to curse his parents to seven lifetimes as dung beetles?)_

* * *

 **in which the future is talked about**

Alec turns out to be _brilliant_ at archery. This in turn, delights his grandmother, who finally warms up to her eldest grandchild ("It's okay, sweetheart, you didn't _know_ that you needed to be menace," she crooned, patting a confused Alec on the head while Isabelle cackled her little lungs out.)

Naturally, Robert feels somewhat cheated.

"I think the hag's trying to steal our son," he confides in Maryse one day while their watching said hag instruct Alec on how to angle his wrist better.

"Darling, she's your _mother-in-law._ She's 73. If she wants to steal our son, let her try. She won't make it to the front door before we catch up to her."

Obviously, these two deserve each other.

 _Azrael tends to be more careful around his grandmother. Her daemon, a white tiger called_ Itval, _was much more comfortable around him than the rest of his family. Perhaps it was because he had long accepted his impending death. Creatures that did that were mostly old ones, ones who'd lived their lives to the fullest and were tired of their creaking bones and aching muscles._

 _Azrael stopped that line of thought because his grandmother looked to be the opposite of that. She was vibrant and full of life and humour and the idea that she was hiding such an ache from the rest of her family disturbed him._

* * *

 **in which the parents lament about sex**

"This is so wrong," Maryse says staring at the scene in front of her.

"I _know,"_ Robert groans as he drops his head into his hands.

On the training ground in front of them, Isabelle cackles as she uses a whip to pluck the arrows Alec shoots out of thin air.

"No." Maryse says curtly. _"No."_ A pause. "Robert, we are _not_ teaching our daughter how to use a _whip_ for a primary weapon-"

"Mom!" Isabelle cheerily shouts from where Alec has her in a headlock. She waves the whip in her hand excitedly. "I'm keeping this! This is so awesome!"

Robert whimpers.

"Dear god," Maryse says as she collapses on the floor next to her husband. "We're raising a dominatrix aren't we?"

"Stop it, stop it, _stop it,"_ her husband moans unhappily.

For some time, the sound of the children fighting is the only one in the room. And then-

"You know we're going to need to have the Talk with Alec soon, right?"

 _"For fuck's sake, Maryse stop fucking talking about sex!"_

(The Talk was more than a little awkward.

"Alec, sweetheart, settle down." Maryse spoke, giving her eldest a shaky smile.

Eight year old Alec is understandably alarmed. "Mom, what wrong?"

Robert leans forward. "Son, we're about to talk to you about something very sensitive."

"Okay, you guys are creeping me out."

"Right, we're going to tell you how babies are made."

"...you're kidding me, right?"

"You see, sweetie, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"

"They engage in foreplay. This in turn arouses the man and the blood rushing down to his penis pushes into the erectile muscles and makes it stand up. The male then pushes the penis into the body of the, hopefully also aroused, female and releases semen which contains sperm. The sperm fuses with the ova the female releases every month and if this is done at the right time and there no complications, then the female gives birth to a healthy child after an average of nine months."

"..."

"...wow."

"It that was all, I'll be going now. Bye mom, bye dad."

"Wait, Alec, how did you-"

Alec **flees.)**

(Maryse and Robert didn't need to worry that much. Much, much later, when they confronted their eldest, he simply told them that he had read a biology book.)

 _Azrael is never quite comfortable discussing the topic of birth of any kind_. _Gabriel calls him a "prude of the ultimate-proportions," but the simple fact is that the creation of life was the opposite of what he did. In many ways, to talk about it felt...awkward and terrible._

 _He worked to unravel creation. As such, learning about it, was absolutely useless._

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

* * *

 **in which the end begins**

The new kid at the institute was going to be a problem. Alec knows this. And this was funny, because he hasn't even seen the kid yet.

And so it was natural that the first time he sees Jace, he has what one can only call a major internal panic attack.

On the outside, though, it looked like he simply took one glance at the newcomer, raised an eyebrow with interest, gave him a onceover and _walked away._ Yeah, he's smooth like that.

(Later on, he gets chewed out by his mother for "walking away from the boy like that, really Alec, you could have at least introduced yourself," but he really doesn't know what he could have done at that time. The moment he looked at Jace, all secondary brain functions fled except _flight_ or _fight_ and really, he chose the one which would get him into the least trouble.)

It really wasn't that much of an over-reaction. It's what any angel would do when they met a younger, generally cleaner version of _motherfucking Lucifer._

 _The first time Gabriel sees Jace, he tries to run him through with a pen-knife. Only Azrael's insistence that Jace isn't "Lucifer reincarnated, what the fuck Gabriel, that guy hates humans, you really think he's going to be willing to become one at any time?" stops the elder angel from killing the sleeping boy._

Jace's daemon is already settled when he arrives at the institute. _Serella_ is a snake, a golden lancehead, to be exact and she definitely contrasts her soul-partner. Where he shines out, she stays silent, curled up in the shadows around his upper arm or neck. Jace speaks in cutting tones, sharp and jagged, while _Serella,_ when she speaks, is soft and measured.

Together, as a single entity, they are loud and silent, bright and dark, sharp and soft, but always, _always_ dangerous.

 _The similarities between Jace and the "Light-bringer" are too obvious to be ignored. This boy, Azrael knows, is a shining example of the human race, beautiful and cruel. It's...difficult to be around him, to laugh with him, to train with him, when all Azrael can see in his place is the ghost of Lucifer, pranking some cherubs who made fun of Aziraphale, Lucifer, gently setting a flower crown on Mikhail's head, the flowers different shades of purple and golden (royal, he called them, Mika, you look like a prince) Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer, the elder brother they all loved and cherished, in place of Lucifer the traitor, or Satan, the enemy or the Devil, who feeds on all that is good._

 _Azrael's visitors lessen, as none of his siblings can stand in such close vicinity to this replica. Gabriel all but stops coming, dragging Raziel along when he does as if to show the other exactly what he has condemned his brother to. Raziel stutters and apologizes, swearing that he had no idea that this was going to happen before shutting up when Azrael glares at him and says "of course you didn't, you idiot, the boy is a new soul and you were too busy handing out cutlery to people who don't know how to use it to be there for the creation of those, if the next words out of your mouth aren't full of information I can use, I'll pay Gabriel to sew your mouth shut."_

 _Aziraphale is the least affected, having nearly shut the "my elder brother is a psychopath" chapter of his life with startling efficiency, and keeps bringing interesting information that his demon friend tells him like "Lilith was here for a prolonged period of time some years ago." Important things. This, this is why Aziraphale was everyone's favourite._

 _Raphael, naturally, couldn't be bothered to give lesser of a fuck, though he did make a point of only coming when Jace was asleep. All the years away from home had been detrimental to Azrael's health and Raphael would be_ _ **damned**_ _if he let some Satan wannabe scare him away from doing his job._

 _Mikhail doesn't have the privilege of choosing the times when he visits, busy as he is. Once, he came during a training session and watched Jace practice his aim with such a sad smile that_ Haria _eventually abandoned his perch on Azrael's arrows and went to cuddle up to the Archangel, not even stopping when Isabelle asked him why his daemon "was rubbing around thin air like he's in heat."_

* * *

 **in which Alec's talked about behind his back**

"Does he hate me?" Jace asks out of the blue from where he's lying on the bed.

"I don't think so," Isabelle replies in a conversational tone. "I mean, he acts weird around you, sure, but I've never seen Alec actually _hate_ someone. Not even that bitch Terry whose daemon pooped on _Haria's_ head. He's too zen for that, I think."

"He feels weird," _Serella_ adds. " _Haria,_ I mean. When I'm around him, it feels like I'm underwater...all static."

"That doesn't even make any sense," _Stharek_ groans from where he's lounging about as a cheetah. "But I get what you mean."

"Hmm?" Jace hums curiously. "What do you mean by that?"

The daemons exchange slow glances. " _Haria_ feels too old," _Serella_ finally says.

"When he talks," _Stharek_ picks up, "he does it really slowly. He always sounds so exhausted for some reason. Even when Alec and him have just woken up from sleep, you talk to him and get the feeling that _Haria_ just had no rest."

Jace sighs and sits up. "What does that have to do with the fact that Alec obviously can't stand me?"

"I think that you just need to try harder."

"Izzy, what does that even _mean?"_

"Every time you two see each other, it's either at training or at meals. Just...try to hang out with him more, okay? He may act dull, but Alec has enough sass to have a throwdown with every elder in Alicante and _win."_

"I don't even know where he is when he isn't in the kitchen or the training room!"

"Try the library. He's a badass, yes, but my brother is a nerd at heart."

Jace's relations with Alec improve, even if _Haria_ tends to keep away from Jace and _Serella._ The daemon unnerves him, to be honest, because he's never seen an unsettled daemon stay in one form for so long. It's undeniable that he's beautiful as a cat (his favoured form) with his fur black and sleek, not a hint of other colours and his eyes the same shocking blue as Alec's. The fact that that shocking blue is placed over him like _Haria_ thinks he's going to become a mass-murderer any second, though, is what makes Jace so wary.

Alec seems to be at ease with him, even agrees to become his _parabatai,_ so Jace doesn't understand why a part of his brother's soul is so fucking suspicious of him.

 _It's not a well known fact that daemon's are parts of your souls you try to repress the most. They're the opinions you don't listen too, the people pointing out the flaws in your plans. They watch the people you should be wary of when you are too stubborn to keep a distance from them. This was something that most people in this universe forgot when they called them "representations of their souls." They are that, but they're not your entire soul. If they were, there would be no need for them to speak and express their opinions._

 _This is why Azrael lets_ Haria _act like a suspicious little shit, even as he tries to desperately differentiate Lucifer and Jace in his mind._ Haria _doesn't speak much - Azrael knows his soul far too well to not take every single aspect of his thoughts into consideration - but the daemon's disapproval was almost palpable when he agreed to become Jace's_ _didn't say anything, even as he started to watch Jace with more cautiousness that before._

Haria _didn't say anything because Azrael, no, Alec knew his soul far too well. He knew that if possible, he would give anything to ensure that this beautiful, cruel soul didn't end up as insane as the one they once called the Morning Star._

(The adults worry a little, because once you become _parabatai,_ you are one. The fact that the rune settled so perfectly on their skin, but _Haria_ still can't approach _Serella_ without being pushed to do so is troubling, but they can't do much for that, except maybe give the boys more trust exercises. Their souls will need to settle in their own time.)

* * *

 **in which three wise idiots are present**

Just like with Isabelle, Alec knows that Max is going to be born before his parents do.

It's alright, though, he didn't expect them to know. Max is one of the souls who was created when someone opted out of reincarnation. He's a new soul and new souls...they _shine._ It's wondrous to watch actually.

That's partly the reason the souls need to stay in their mothers' wombs for so long. The reincarnated souls- because they need to get used to the world again, need to get used to the prospect of doing _everything all over again._ The new souls because they need to get used to idea of breaking new ground. "Gearing up before a run," Raphael used to call it.

The new ones lose their shine over a period of time, usually over multiple life-cycles. That is one of the reasons why _Haria_ is so wary of Jace - despite having been here only one life-cycle, Jace's soul is faded in a way that makes no sense. "Why," _Haria_ had once said to Alec, "why is his soul so jaded? What has this new-born soul, this _child_ seen that makes him so different from all the others? And how exactly does he and his daemon go about everyday without _physical_ after-effects of the thing which caused him to fade so much?"

(Alec had replied by saying, "Maybe he's just a strong soul." He hopes that's true because the alternative is that Jace was an amazing actor, in which case Gabriel would put another tally mark down in the 'Azrael lives with the Devil reincarnated' section and his family would _freak_.)

But Max. Max is beautiful. That's why, when his parents finally announce that they should be expecting a new brother, he goes right past Isabelle's questions of 'why and how this new brother came to be now,' past Jace's laughter at the question, past his father's spluttering attempts to answer it and hugs his mother tight, pressing his ear to her belly like he's been wanting to do all this time.

'Hello, dear one,' he thinks.

And if Max shines just a smidgen brighter at the recognition, well, no one apart from Alec and _Haria_ can see it. What a shame.

 _Azrael is so_ _ **gone**_ _on this bright little soul the moment it comes into this world that it isn't even funny. Max's daemon takes to him in a way that no one else's ever has, especially not a new soul's. He has felt love before, Azrael loves all of his siblings, probably even loves Lucifer still (though those are thoughts he doesn't like to focus on,) but this isn't love. He's felt devotion before, he_ _ **does**_ _live with Mikhail and the Archangel is nothing if not a "cult leader with a crazy, sword-waving, devoted following," as Gabriel put it._

 _This isn't love. It isn't devotion. It's something bigger, greater, all-encompassing and holding. It's a fog which threatens to swallow him whole and never spit him back out. Terrifying and amazing._

 _(Mikhail once said, while seeing Aziraphale and his demon friend feed ducks, that there's a difference between loving someone and_ _ **being**_ _in love. When you love someone, you're ready to die for them. When you're in love with someone, you're ready to_ _ **fight**_ _to stay by their side, uncaring of how it affects others. A mindless fog, swallowing and never letting go.)_

 _(This probably wasn't_ _ **being**_ _in love, but it was the closest Azrael had ever come to that. Silly, really, considering that the thing most mortals wanted to protect their young from was Death._

 _So yeah. Azrael will try his hardest to protect this light from himself, but will ultimately fail because_ _ **nothing good can stay.)**_

 _(you were born in death and will die surrounded by the ruins of the lives you've destroyed)_

 _(to love is to destroy ha. ha. ha.)_

* * *

Okay. So Gabriel, Aziraphale and Raphael coming on the day of Max's birth wouldn't have been funny to anyone, but Alec was _really fucking stressed, alright?_

"Welcome, oh wise men, to this auspicious occasion."

Gabriel paused from where he was making funny faces at the sleeping Jace. "Did you just equate the birth of your little brother to the birth of Christ?'

"Gabriel, _Christ was our little brother._ Son of God, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. To busy figuring out exactly why the _fuck_ everyone thought our Maker was a male."

Raphael hit Aziraphale and Gabriel on the head in quick succession, growling out a "behave," before turning to Alec. "Have there been any complications with the birth so far?"

"No, not as far as I can tell. _Haria's_ keeping a watch in the room. He says that it seems to be okay at the moment, but...you know," Alec shrugged uncomfortably. "This is the closest I've ever been to a birth."

The three angels exchange a heavy glance before Aziraphale promptly sits on the boy, making him scream and waking the two children sleeping in the waiting room _(Maryse had been in the operation room for over four hours, why had no adult come to check on them yet, what kind of bullshit hospital was this?)_ Content with the knowledge that his siblings would annoy Alec enough to make him forget him "aversion to creation" quirk, Raphael moved to the room where the birth was occurring, intent on making sure that the soul and the person who kept it in her womb made it out intact.

 _The angels had never seen Azrael so invested in life. Ever._

 _Although he knew that objectively Death wasn't the only problem that creatures faced, Azrael maintained that most of the issues (_ _ **war-torture-famine-grief-revenge**_ _) seemed to stem from it. So, even if he chose to spend most of his time living amongst humans, Azrael never truly lived_ _ **with**_ _them. He watched them from afar, just as he did with his siblings._

 _This was the first time since he'd clung to Mikhail upon his birth that he had gotten so close to another being. They were going to do everything they could to ensure it all worked out._

* * *

 **in which the beginning ends (that doesn't mean the end begins)**

 _Years pass. Incidents happen and Alec quietly slips away._

* * *

Alec and Jace spar in the training room. It-it happened too fast to see, too fast to feel, too fast to _stop_. Jace, frustrated with the ease with which his brother was beating him, thought back to the lessons which Hodge had given him. _Use every part of your being as an advantage._

It was just a thought. A random thought. But connection between a body and a soul ran _much, much deeper,_ and thoughts could turn into action, just like that.

 _Serella_ jumps on _Haria,_ intent on wrapping herself around his neck to temporarily choke him and distract Alec enough to give Jace the advantage. Daemons are many things. They are those parts of our souls whom we choose to ignore, voicing out opinions we never would acknowledge otherwise. Ultimately, though, they are _representations_ of our soul, of our main purpose in the Universe.

 _Haria...Haria_ let his guard down. It wasn't entirely his fault, this was the first time that _any_ daemon in the household had tried touching him, of course it would be Jace - beautiful, cruel, _self-destructive as fuck-_ who did so.

It would be the first and last time any daemon in this world touches Alexander Lightwood's soul without him intentionally letting them do so. Because daemon's are the ultimate representation of who we are and Alec- _Azrael was Death, the end, so when_ Serella _touches_ Haria, _she touches the essence of Death._

Jace dies.

(Alec uses all of his _**(depleted-diminished-tired)**_ energy to correct his mistake and bring him back, letting him forget what happened. Jace doesn't question Alec about it because the moment that the blonde stands up, Alec pitches down and lands in a dead-faint.

Later, when he wakes, Jace teases him for taking a loss so hard that he collapsed, but doesn't try to mask the worried concern in his eyes. Alec smiles, congratulates him for winning and doesn't protest when his parents make him sit out of training for the next few days. Jace finds a sparring partner in Isabelle and when Alec finally returns, he never wins another spar against him.

Jace smiles and tells him that he'll catch up, that he's just weak because he was sick and missed so many days of training. Alec smiles and doesn't tell Jace that he has no intention of catching up. Ever.)

* * *

 _"What?!"_

 _"He's asleep right now. Mikhail says that it'll be some time before he wakes up."_

 _"Nevermind that, Raziel, why was he_ _ **here?**_ _"_

 _"His mind...it's too fragile to look into now. When Ithuriel awakens, then perhaps we will know more."_

 _"Raziel, this isn't a situation of 'perhaps.' Someone here knew us enough to keep one of us captive and torture them. Someone here knew Lilith well enough to summon and do Maker-knows-what with her. Kindly find out who before I have Gabriel drown you in the shallowest pond he finds and have you reincarnated as a silk-worm!"_

 _"You know we can't interfere with human affairs unless we fall, Azrael."_

 _"I'm not asking you to interfere with human affairs, I'm asking you to_ _ **tell me what they were in the first place!**_ _For Mikhail's sake, Raziel, stop acting so_ _dumb!_ _"_

 _"I'll try, alright?! I just...gathering information from human affairs is so complicated."_

 _"Get Aziraphale's demon friend to help you find out what rituals can be used to summon and capture one of us and then check which one was used in this world. Rituals like that leave traces behind - take Gabriel's help to find them. I'll talk Raphael into upgrading the wards in the meantime, so don't be startled if some cherubs jump you because we've curtailed their freedom to protect them from insane mortals under your protection who claim to share our blood."_

 _"...yes, Lord Azrael."_

 _"Phew. Anyone ever told you that you can be as scary as fuck?"_

 _"Honestly speaking, Gabriel, I was just channelling as much of Mikhail as possible."_

* * *

Maryse and Robert often have to go out to negotiate treaties amongst warring factions of different creatures. Their children understand this, they do, it's just that...food is a problem.

Smoke rises from the kitchen and Alec _dives_ for Max whose reading on the couch, quickly shoving on a jacket before leaving Jace to the clutches of Isabelle's mercy. Max, far too used to this routine, simply sighs and follows his eldest brother like a little duckling, clutching _Alouvia's_ tail from where she's draped around his neck like a furry ferret scarf.

Yes, food was a very big problem.

Alec usually took Max out once in a week to eat at a charming little cafe about half a kilometre from the Institute. There, they both sat down and happily ate and read without any interruptions- the picture of contended-ness.

Naturally, something had to go wrong.

Only Alec's quick reflexes stopped the mugger from dragging Max into the abandoned ally. When the man came at the youngest Lightwood, waving a knife like a deranged person, Alec quickly stepped in between them. He winced as the knife drove through his palm before grabbing the man's wrist with his other hand and quickly- _efficiently, Azrael, remember, a thumb on the inside of the wrist, three fingers on the outside, the middle one on the joint, yes, just like that, now just_ _ **jerk**_ _it backwards-_

The mugger wailed and fell to the ground as his wrist broke in a loud _snap_ and the knife went flying backwards.

Alec was only distantly aware of the fact that the road was empty, that Max was staring at him with wide eyes as he looked down at the pathetic _worm who dared attack_ _ **his**_ _little brother._

 _'Fool,' Azrael thought._

"Fool," Alec voiced, his words sharp and biting.

The man's daemon, a hyena, how fitting, growled before attempting to lunge at _Haria._ It happened quick-fast-and Alec had _no regrets._

 _Haria_ quickly darted off the ground to land on the hyena's back, wrapping his tail around her neck lightly. The mugger barely had time to look confused before his daemon exploded in golden dust and he fell to the ground, convulsing.

 _In the background of his mind, Azrael knew that this man was not at fault, it was the system, the system which made him like this, a scavenger picking off the remains of others. In the front of his mind, the Angel of Death revelled in the first death he'd personally caused since he had entered this world and thought it was a fitting one._

Alec did not know how long he stood there, watching the last breaths of another being claimed by him. _Haria_ had changed as soon as the man's daemon had exploded and was now flying above them as a raven

"Cats, ravens and moths are considered to be symbols of death in different cultures," Max's voice came from behind him.

Alec was relaxed as his little brother came to stand next to him, eyes fixedly looking at the eldest Lightwood to avoid seeing the body on the ground.

"Those are _Haria's_ favoured forms," Max continued, eyes still focused on Alec's still form.

Glowing blue eyes turned to him and Max gasped lightly, holding his breath. Alec smiled, raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Do you really want to know, little one?"

 _Little one._ That was something only Alec called him and _Alouvia_ , alone, when there was no one else present near them. From anyone else, it would have sounded condescending, but from Alec and _Haria_ who ultimately felt _oldoldtired_ above everything else, Max didn't really have room to complain.

Alec was the one he was closest to in their entire family, even if they never talked on the surface level, because once his brother had stroked his hair after a nightmare and sung him to sleep _("...hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms, I'll be buried here with you...")_ and whispered to him, just as he was on the precipice of sleep, _"I love you as all dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadows and the soul."_ They were the closest because whenever Max was in the room, _Haria's_ eyes stayed at him the most and because _Alouvia_ was the only daemon in the house who could get within half-a-feet distance of _Haria_ without him transforming into a creature of flight and disappearing for the rest of the day.

 _Haria_ transformed once again, turning from a raven to a moth and coming to settle on Alec's shoulder. Max looked at the daemon for a minute before looking at Alec, who's eyes were still glowing blue. He took in a breath and made a decision.

"What all are you really willing to tell me?"

* * *

 _"Seriously? A kid?"_

 _"Shut up, Gabriel, I think it's cute."_

 _"Of course you do, Zira, you think that_ _ **Lilith's**_ _cute."_

 _"Don't start with me, Crowely, you're the one who names the ducks we feed."_

 _"...Aziraphale, did you just compare the first demon to_ _ **ducks?**_ _"_

 _"I love you both, so much, but we're getting off topic here. Remember, Zira, Crowely, we're here to interrogate Azrael, not to bicker amongst ourselves."_

 _"Yes, Gabriel."_

 _"All of you need to calm down. Max is a child, yes, but he's smart. He won't tell anyone what I've told him."_

 _"...just be careful, alright? There's something seriously wrong with this world. Not to mention, that idiot Raziel still hasn't figured out who took Ithuriel and how."_

 _"I will. How's Mikhail?"_

 _"Creeped out. Someone is trying to send him demonic letters, but whenever he opens them they just turn out to be cheesily written love poems. Raphael's gone a rampage trying to figure out who it is."_

 _"Can't Crowely help him with that? Being of demonic persuasion, I mean."_

 _"I could, but I have mandatory duck feeding appointments with Aziraphale."_

 _"Yes he does. He's missed quite a lot as it is, trying to avoid that Apocalypse fiasco which Hell tried to cook up when Mikhail was sleeping. Anymore and the ducks will get mad at us."_

 _"Both of you are so cute, it's sickening."_

* * *

Preview of part two

 _Azrael's first thought when he saw the tiny red-head beside Jace was about how he'd like to bleed her out to get all of his sibling's blood from her veins. His second thought was about how much she resembled Eve, the bitch, and considering that Jace was basically Adam glorified, beautiful and cruel, it was almost prophetical that they wouldn't have a good relationship._

 _If only someone could tell Clary this, because Azrael sure as_ _ **heck**_ _wasn't going to (yes, he understands that makes him petty, shut up.)_

* * *

 **I really don't anything but the idea and some of the OC's.**

 **I hope you guys like this, it was a pain to write. The entire Angel of Death thing will make Magnus and Alec's relationship so much more fun, don't you think? Also, Max and Alec bro-ship because I'm a fucking sadist. This is a two-shot guys, so the next chapter should be the last. It'll take a while because I'll need to skim through the books a little to write it.**

 _ **But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?-**_ **Mark Twain.**

 **Title from Bastille's -** _ **Skulls,**_ **which is also the lullaby Alec sings to Max.**

 **Ask me questions on my tumblr - auroraaustralis13 whereby I post social justice bullshit along with book problems I'm having. So please, any spin-off or artworks you have, give them to me there.**

 **Headcanon - Alec looks like Yato from the anime** _ **Noragami.**_

 ** _Maryse and Robert are inspired by Spun's "Understanding," so they aren't complete dickheads in this._**

 **Read and review, guys.**

 **Until next time,**

 **Arwana13**


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